whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
