We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
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Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
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I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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