i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
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