I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
