.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
