How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize