the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
