I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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