why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm passing your future prison.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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