She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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