she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
