wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
