You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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