nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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