we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
