We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
