Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
