I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
