i think i have herpe
just one?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
