i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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