I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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