why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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