cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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