Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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