I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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