Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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