Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
