I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
