my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
