yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
