All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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