Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
