I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
