We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
