I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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