A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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