let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
