Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
