I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
how does that bad decision feel?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
