Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
