tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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