she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
