I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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