Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
