i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
