capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I enjoy the company of your penis
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
