I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize