found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
