I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
