fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
