So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
