Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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