Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Randomize
