i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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