btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize