dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
