No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
