I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
