just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
