I love how my cats smell like pot.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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