the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
