Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
we made out on top of his cat.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
So many bounce houses so little time
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Randomize
