Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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