I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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