If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
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