I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
