dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
