That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
