I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
